You know you're gay when...

I have always thought that he was gay. So when I had a little, short coming-out session to a friend of mine, I happen to subtly mention to him that I thought he was gay... too! He felt offended (of course, coz he was not gay) and subtly asked me the reasons why I thought he could be gay. I don't quite remember now but I guess I must have listed about atleast 5. Now, we all love our e-mail boxes, especially when the subject line reads any word near to 'Gay'. I got this mail on February 25, 2003 and I still love to read it.

Point system: Number of Screws is proportionate to the percentage I abide by that reason. (1 Screw being the lowest and 10 Screws being the highest)
It goes like this...

You Know You're Gay When...

1. You wear the appropriate underwear for each of your dates. (9 Screws. CK, Jockey, thongs, Boxers)
2. You understand the subtle differences between at least 20 brands of vodka. (9.8 Screws. Absolut, Smirnoff, Armadale, Stoli, Chopin, Jewel of Russia, Fleischmann, Türi, Zyr, Ketel One, Grey Goose)
3. You understand the immense importance of good (or bad) lighting. (8.6 Screws. Check my webcam, for e.g.)
4. You can be in a crowded bar and still spot a toupee from 50 yards away. (3 Screws!)
5. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and mean her bathing suit. (9.99 Screws. I can do that!)
6. You can tell a woman she has lipstick on her teeth without embarrassing her. (9.99 Screws. I can do that too!)
7. No one expects you to kiss and not tell. (8.75 Screws. Well, once upon a time I met this guy and we....)
8. You can have naked pictures of men you know in your home. (1 Screw. I just have them in my computer)
9. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home. (1 Screw. I have them as well in my computer)
10. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home and on your computer. (10 Screws. I do, I do, I do)
11. Unlike your women friends, you can hang out in men's locker room. (10.5 Screws. Yumm.. Yumm!)
12. You understand why the good Lord created spandex. (9.6 Screws. Thank you, Lord)
13. You understand why the good Lord did not intend everyone to wear spandex. (9.6 Screws again. Thank you again, Lord)
14. You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait and a macchiato. And if you don't, you know how to fake it. (5.6 Screws. I know the difference. But I cannot fake it. Got it?)
15. You know how to get back at just about everyone. (Umm.. Mr. Anonymous, when you say back, do you mean the gluteus maximus region? if yes then I give 10 Screws. hee hee hee!!)
16. Your pets always have great names. (0.09 Screws. I ain't got a pet!)
17. Nobody expects you to change a tire. (10 Screws. No comments)
18. You're the only guy who gets to do the "Cosmo" quizzes. (Hmm.. 7.7 Screws)
19. You know how to get a waiter's attention. (Oh yes! 9.9 Screws)
20. You only wear polyester when you mean to. (8.3 Screws)
21. At any given instant, you can recite who was gay since the dawn of history. (Aha! 8.8 Screws)
22. You are, hands down, your nephew's and nieces' favorite uncle. (I love kids.. kids love me! 9.89 Screws)
23. You get to choose your family. (Now let's see... there's the bitch and the slut, the whore.. oh oh the cunt and then there's the babe, the sleaze and the dog. 10 Screws)
24. You can tell your sexual compatibility with a potential partner by the way he holds his drink. (11 Screws!!!)
25. You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them. (11 Screws again)
26. You wouldn't be caught dead in Hooters. (Ugh! 10 Screws)
27. You can freeze an approaching bar troll twenty feet away. (Mummmmmmeeeeeee.... 8.48 Screws)
28. You're good pals with women other people can't stand. (1 Screw. I'm good pals with women other straight men ogle at!)
29. You've always got an opinion, and don't mind sharing it. (Gentlemen & Gentlemen, in my opinion, I believe... 7.63 Screws)
30. You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical. (Read a book? Uh oh! I choose to remove the reading-a-book part. 8.99 Screws)
31. You know how to "air kiss". (12 Screws. MUUUAAAAHHHH)
32. You know exactly which cosmetic surgery to consider having... and the perfect excuse to give people who ask where you've been for two weeks. (Haven't been there. Haven't done that. 0 Screws)
33. You know how to dress strategically. (15 Screws.)
34. You know when to move out and move on. (14.99 Screws)
35. You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in high school. (21 Screws)
36. You've got at least one framed picture of a pet. (0 Screw. Tch tch! No pet. No picture.... Wait a minute! 9.72 Screws. I almost forgot poo-poo, my rabbit)
37. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't necessarily an insult. (101 Screws)
38. You wouldn't buy someone a mug for their birthday. (10.1 Screws)
39. You know which wine to bring. (The vodka list is enough for now! 10 Screws)
40. Sales clerks don't mess with you. (3.4 Screws)
41. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion. (I have a chest stocked with condoms, lubes, toys... what medicine? -2 Screws)
42. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade. (oh yes! 10 Screws)
43. You've just about defeated the accent you were born with. (12 Screws.)
44. You know the way to a man's heart is not necessarily through his stomach. (hee hee hee!! 1000 Screws)
45. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards. (12 Screws)
46. You know every film ever made with male frontal nudity. (Ummm almost... so I give 9 Screws)
47. You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level. (1 Screws.. awwwww)
48. You have the latest International Male catalog. (yes I do, yes I do... 13.3 Screws)
49. You wouldn't dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog. (9.99 Screws)
50. You can be bitchy without anyone blaming it on biology. (This should be in the top 10. 23.34 Screws)

Phew! That was something. I need a drink. A Screwdriver anyone?!