Life Time Relationships and more...

Long term relationships or LTR as its well-known is a subject of interest in the gay community. And there is never any end of the mails on various mailing lists from people desperately looking for that one special perfect person. People write in of how lonely they are, of how much they want a partner, of how – as someone on a mailing list wrote - he had stopped having sex because he wanted to save himself for hisperfect partner. But is this the best way to go about looking for a partner? And is creating this ideal vision the most promising way to make the relationship last is one does actually find the other person? I can't help thinking that this isn't that realistic. Most people I know who have found their partners haven't done so through waiting for them, but going out, meeting guys, dating guys, sleeping with guys and yes, its true, getting hurt by guys, but not getting embittered and giving up hope. In the end one nearly always have to be involved with many things, many people, to hope to find that one person you can really get involved with. And having only the aim of finding someone isn't probably going to achieve it, not least because sending out desperate, wanting vibes is the easiest way to scare potential partners miles away. And having found someone, one has to be realistic. If one idealizes relationships before they happen, it doesn't hold much hope for when you meet the messy realities of relationships when they do happen.

I never had any intentions on writing on this piece but then since nobody was writing on it, I grab this opportunity to brag about my thoughts on LTR.

I was chatting with this cute guy who hated the idea of finding his boyfriend going by the most-used, world-famous technique – One-night stand. Many guys you will have one-night stands with won’t be boyfriend material, which goes without saying, but that should not make you assume that none of the guys with whom you have one-night stand with are boyfriend material. All the gay guys have one-night stands; as a matter of fact even most of the straight men have experienced it at least once. And some of the one-night stands are definitely boyfriend material.

Take it easy. Take it slow. Most of the relationships I know have either seen only the second Christmas and if seen the fourth, then have also seen the eighth. It’s easy to complete eight months, maybe a year or two to the most, but going forward, after the fifth year it’s just you and you. Getting to know the juices and spirits inside the other one is what I’d do in the earlier days of courtship. My ex-fling wanted to wait was 6 months before I even saw what his dick looks like! Love-making is a part of any LTR and most importantly from day one.

Be friends and fight. A little fighting seasons the pot. The couple that has some practice resolving small issues can fight their way out the big ones. But if your boyfriend is your best friend then you’re into shitload of trouble when you complain to your best friend what an asshole your boyfriend’s been. Best friend is different than boyfriend. Being just a friend of your boyfriend helps in giving and getting the space, is very healthy for a healthy relationship. Have friends outside the relationship. My boyfriend is more comfortable with my friends than I am. But knowing each others friends has sustained the trust between us and gives us our own space.

If telling a lie will keep the relationship in peace then lie; but only about small stuff. It’s ok to lie to your boyfriend that you were working your ass off because the computer crashed when you were actually out having a drink with your co-worker. It’s not ok to tell your boyfriend that you were working late when you were actually humping his best friend.

Being monogamous has always been a debatable issue in a gay relationship. If your boyfriend is into something that you’re not into then allow him to do it with someone else. A mutual understanding between the two is healthy for the relationship. By setting restrictive limits, no dating, no overnights, don’t do this and that, a gay couple makes actual having of sex with someone else highly unlikely. It’s still debatable!

Finally, however long you’ve been together, however everlasting your love feels, don’t yammer on and on about your “wife” or your “husband”. It’s wonderful to be in love, but use some restraint. If you’re in love with him, pour it on to him, not to the neighbor.

Song played:
"Since you've been gone" by Kelly Clarkson